Jul 11, 2011
just a rainy day
I wish I had something exciting to write today but I fear I do not. It's a rainy day actually, and the creative mood has struck, I'm not sure which craving overbears the other the one to paint or the one to write, so for now I will write this and then if inspiration hits I will paint too :) Stampede yesterday was a blast, but between too much coffee and lack of sleep, i just couldn't sleep last night and thus we have an insanely tired and sick me today. oh well. maybe I'll do another post later.
Jul 9, 2011
An early morning thought process.
It`s easy for me to reflect upon everything on mornings like this. The early ones when everything is still quiet and everyone is still asleep. Not that I've gotten up for shits and giggles, just the couch was killing me, and I had to many pressing thoughts on my mind. C'ést la vie.
But it really is peaceful. I mean I can hear the traffic just getting going for the day, the fridge running, the wind blowing through the patio door that had to be left opened all night. And it's days like today that I sigh in relief but I realize I'm not just surviving another day, I'm living another day, I'm actually making in this big world. How many people I would like to go and find on mornings like this and after a solid punch to the gut (or face) look them square in the face and say simply I told you so, then in typical Shannon fashion stick out my tongue (because it's real mature and I'm awesome cool like that)
But seriously how many times in my life have people told me I won't make it, I won't become anything or make anything of myself, I'm a loser, I'm a nothing. But guess what! I have made it, each and every day through hell and high waters, I've become stronger, prouder, more independent, and wiser and kinder and I love with a full heart. I've become a mother and daughter to a mother I never knew, I'm a girlfriend and a best friend, a support system for other people. Sometimes I'm the stars in someones eyes and sometimes I'm someone else's foundations but I have mde myself into a person I'm proud to be. I'm not a loser today I'm a winner. I look at where I live and with who I live with and what I've been blessed to have in my life, a good man, a beautiful little girl, supportive family on both sides, friends that I love and I know that return the sentiment. and I am most certainly not a nothing. I making my impact, I'm leaving my mark, and I am making a difference, maybe just one person at time, maybe only even a dent in a dent but its happening every day I live. I used to think impacts had to be huge but I've learned that simply telling someone you care about them changes something for them, in turn makes an impact. My impacts on this world are small, but god damn they are mine. so to everyone who said I couldn't, I did, and to everyone who told me I wouldn't, i am. and to all those that failed to believe in me, fuck you.
In retrospect I have to think, the one person who who i have negative feelings about is the one person who told me i could, who told me i was and am and are and can be and will be. My dad always told me I could do anything, be anything, see anything, have, want, and love anything. Well dad thank you. I am I am doing and seeing and being all there is.
But it really is peaceful. I mean I can hear the traffic just getting going for the day, the fridge running, the wind blowing through the patio door that had to be left opened all night. And it's days like today that I sigh in relief but I realize I'm not just surviving another day, I'm living another day, I'm actually making in this big world. How many people I would like to go and find on mornings like this and after a solid punch to the gut (or face) look them square in the face and say simply I told you so, then in typical Shannon fashion stick out my tongue (because it's real mature and I'm awesome cool like that)
But seriously how many times in my life have people told me I won't make it, I won't become anything or make anything of myself, I'm a loser, I'm a nothing. But guess what! I have made it, each and every day through hell and high waters, I've become stronger, prouder, more independent, and wiser and kinder and I love with a full heart. I've become a mother and daughter to a mother I never knew, I'm a girlfriend and a best friend, a support system for other people. Sometimes I'm the stars in someones eyes and sometimes I'm someone else's foundations but I have mde myself into a person I'm proud to be. I'm not a loser today I'm a winner. I look at where I live and with who I live with and what I've been blessed to have in my life, a good man, a beautiful little girl, supportive family on both sides, friends that I love and I know that return the sentiment. and I am most certainly not a nothing. I making my impact, I'm leaving my mark, and I am making a difference, maybe just one person at time, maybe only even a dent in a dent but its happening every day I live. I used to think impacts had to be huge but I've learned that simply telling someone you care about them changes something for them, in turn makes an impact. My impacts on this world are small, but god damn they are mine. so to everyone who said I couldn't, I did, and to everyone who told me I wouldn't, i am. and to all those that failed to believe in me, fuck you.
In retrospect I have to think, the one person who who i have negative feelings about is the one person who told me i could, who told me i was and am and are and can be and will be. My dad always told me I could do anything, be anything, see anything, have, want, and love anything. Well dad thank you. I am I am doing and seeing and being all there is.
Jul 6, 2011
If I Blogged every time....
I was irritated there would be a great many rants on here, and If I had a dollar for every time I got irritated I would be a fucking millionaire. But I'm not and I don't...except for tonight.
Maybe its the almost 30 degree weather outside, or the almost 40 degree weather inside, or the kids outside that run around screaming and yelling, without parental supervision, and in clear disregard of a notice handed out to all residents of the West winds Village. Or it could be the movie that I really dislike that we have already seen, or maybe just maybe it's my total and utter disgust for humanity at this very moment.
It's ironic before I get into what's irritating me, I should mention that what has happened Matt and his dad predicted only a few hours ago and I shook it off, no way would that happen...and it has.
The royal couple is in Calgary this weekend for the stampede, and the city of Calgary was giving away free wristbands to see them. Did you notice the word in bold?? No?!? okay I will emphasize it some more for you FREE FREE FREE FREE FREE.
Okay we all got that right?? no need to emphasize anymore?? Okay good! Here is now the sick and twisted part, people went and got these FREE bands and are now selling them online for as low as 75$ per band and some I've seen as high as $150 per band. Where is the common sense and sense of ...............anything!!! Seriously this is ridiculous. This is a piss off, an outrage!! Don't believe me??? go to Kijiji and go to Calgary and then go to the tickets section under buy and sell and check it out!!
On a brighter note enough is enough and kids playing street hockey in a parking lot screaming like idiots at 9:30 at night is stupid I can deal with kids screaming all day but at night too...nuuuu thank you. enough is enough and I've made a call to report that idiocy.
Maybe its the almost 30 degree weather outside, or the almost 40 degree weather inside, or the kids outside that run around screaming and yelling, without parental supervision, and in clear disregard of a notice handed out to all residents of the West winds Village. Or it could be the movie that I really dislike that we have already seen, or maybe just maybe it's my total and utter disgust for humanity at this very moment.
It's ironic before I get into what's irritating me, I should mention that what has happened Matt and his dad predicted only a few hours ago and I shook it off, no way would that happen...and it has.
The royal couple is in Calgary this weekend for the stampede, and the city of Calgary was giving away free wristbands to see them. Did you notice the word in bold?? No?!? okay I will emphasize it some more for you FREE FREE FREE FREE FREE.
Okay we all got that right?? no need to emphasize anymore?? Okay good! Here is now the sick and twisted part, people went and got these FREE bands and are now selling them online for as low as 75$ per band and some I've seen as high as $150 per band. Where is the common sense and sense of ...............anything!!! Seriously this is ridiculous. This is a piss off, an outrage!! Don't believe me??? go to Kijiji and go to Calgary and then go to the tickets section under buy and sell and check it out!!
On a brighter note enough is enough and kids playing street hockey in a parking lot screaming like idiots at 9:30 at night is stupid I can deal with kids screaming all day but at night too...nuuuu thank you. enough is enough and I've made a call to report that idiocy.
Jun 21, 2011
super mom of the day
It`s actually beautiful outside. I`m sitting here on my balcony overlooking a parking lot, some trees, and a highway. The view is pretty, it`s a part of our life here in the city. Even the noises I am well adjusted too. The steady vroom of traffic as it flies by, each and every one of those vehicles doing something different on a Tuesday at noon. The opening and closing of doors and people come and go from the apartment building next to mine. The bird and squirrels that are enjoying this sunshine as much as me. and even the kids that are out and about playing I have adjusted to.
Today is one of those days where I am super mom, super wife, super woman. I am content in my lace in life at my comings and goings of every day. I have the laundry done and the dishes done and the house cleaned up 9minus the vacuuming) all before noon, I have dinner on the go and while my ocd compels me to find a million more things to do like sweep up the balcony, and dust the tv and tv stand and sweep out the cat room, and wash the table in the living room, I wont. Okay well I will probably sweep up the balcony, and i will most defs be vacuuming when my girly gets up from her nap, but today I am enjoy the sun, today we are going to go for a walk in the park, today I refuse to let the scariness of the city frighten me. Today I am super mom.
It`sso easy for me every single day to become overwhelmed. Overwhelmed by my lack of human interaction by my constant toddler chasing and apartment cleaning and feeling like I am accomplishing nothing in life and getting no where fast. But on days like today I can`t help but be anything but happy. I have a beautiful little girl, my own apartment with my own little family , and while sometimes this all feels silly or childish like those games of house we play as children (which I most often feel like myself). It`s days like today that I`m not worried, I am going somewhere and becoming something. Life may not be moving as fast as I would like it to be , but the reality is that its niceto slow down and enjoy life as it comes. I may have a long one or a short one so there is nothing to do but enjoy it day by day and be content.
Today is one of those days where I am super mom, super wife, super woman. I am content in my lace in life at my comings and goings of every day. I have the laundry done and the dishes done and the house cleaned up 9minus the vacuuming) all before noon, I have dinner on the go and while my ocd compels me to find a million more things to do like sweep up the balcony, and dust the tv and tv stand and sweep out the cat room, and wash the table in the living room, I wont. Okay well I will probably sweep up the balcony, and i will most defs be vacuuming when my girly gets up from her nap, but today I am enjoy the sun, today we are going to go for a walk in the park, today I refuse to let the scariness of the city frighten me. Today I am super mom.
It`sso easy for me every single day to become overwhelmed. Overwhelmed by my lack of human interaction by my constant toddler chasing and apartment cleaning and feeling like I am accomplishing nothing in life and getting no where fast. But on days like today I can`t help but be anything but happy. I have a beautiful little girl, my own apartment with my own little family , and while sometimes this all feels silly or childish like those games of house we play as children (which I most often feel like myself). It`s days like today that I`m not worried, I am going somewhere and becoming something. Life may not be moving as fast as I would like it to be , but the reality is that its niceto slow down and enjoy life as it comes. I may have a long one or a short one so there is nothing to do but enjoy it day by day and be content.
Jun 10, 2011
The Stupidest Thing
Again I let my temper get out of control and over what?!?! not a damn fucking thing. for serious. Matt got home from work, I had a toothache but never the less wanted to go out. We got cleaned up/dressed etc. and headed to valu-village to drop some shit off. Hung out there for a bit and then decided we needed Chinese food for dinner, the night was great it's not very often that he's home from work early enough that we can go out. Anywho we went to the mall and got dinner from the food court, and then headed for home. I wanted ice cream. More specifically I wanted either creamcicles or drumsticks with no nuts or plain ice cream in a bucket with cones. Him being him in typical him fashion agreed. Pit stop at the closet grocery store and in we went. First on my list of irritation:
>insert mental scream and kick and punch here<
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME ASSHOLE !!! I HAVE GLASSES ON MY FACE I LOOK THE FARTHEST THING FROM SPECIAL ED EVER AND YOUR POINTING OUT THE OBVIOUS. WAY TO WASTE MY TIME YOU FUCKING DICK CHOMPER.
I looked calmly at me and with a great deal of restraint in my voice and volume of said voice said Matt I'm getting irritated can we please go, either to the other store or home.
His response "Why hunni why are you irritated"
"i'm just mad matt please let's just go"
"Why, Why are you mad?"
"FUCK YOU im going to the truck give me the keys do what ever you want!"
>insert every one stares at me<
Matt comes to the truck and asks me why im so mad I told him to take me home and whats he do goes to the super store...."Wtf are you doing here Matthew?" "Getting you your icecream" "Your not wasting more money fuck you I'm not eating anything you buy here "
Off he goes in the store so I text him and told him if he came out with anything i wasn't talking to him all night. apparently he didn't get that message till we got home but the point is I'm a stubborn stupid ass and I was pissed off so now I'm not eating any of the ice cream bars he got, and he didn't even get a good night last night .lmfao .I feel retarded
- "hunni we dont have room in the freezer for a tub or box of ice cream" OHKAY then.
- "We can get a box of 12 drumsticks for 8.99" DUMBASS THEY HAVE NUTS ON THEM AND THAT PRICE IS STUPID!
- so he finally box of mini creamcicles 24 in the box for like 5.49 flavors include cherry (ew) grape(ew) orange(ew) and lime (oh okay)
>insert mental scream and kick and punch here<
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME ASSHOLE !!! I HAVE GLASSES ON MY FACE I LOOK THE FARTHEST THING FROM SPECIAL ED EVER AND YOUR POINTING OUT THE OBVIOUS. WAY TO WASTE MY TIME YOU FUCKING DICK CHOMPER.
I looked calmly at me and with a great deal of restraint in my voice and volume of said voice said Matt I'm getting irritated can we please go, either to the other store or home.
His response "Why hunni why are you irritated"
"i'm just mad matt please let's just go"
"Why, Why are you mad?"
"FUCK YOU im going to the truck give me the keys do what ever you want!"
>insert every one stares at me<
Matt comes to the truck and asks me why im so mad I told him to take me home and whats he do goes to the super store...."Wtf are you doing here Matthew?" "Getting you your icecream" "Your not wasting more money fuck you I'm not eating anything you buy here "
Off he goes in the store so I text him and told him if he came out with anything i wasn't talking to him all night. apparently he didn't get that message till we got home but the point is I'm a stubborn stupid ass and I was pissed off so now I'm not eating any of the ice cream bars he got, and he didn't even get a good night last night .lmfao .I feel retarded
Jun 8, 2011
A brief warm up
I legitimately feel like I should be a nymph tonight. I forgot, no I failed to remember how relaxing and freeing a lack of clothing is. Chilly but the joys of having hair that reaches to about my tattoo is enough for warmth So now I sit and enjoy the music and the pecking away of the keys as I type my thoughts which is really just a warm up before actually continue with a story I had begun, I listen to my daughter excite herself by chasing nothing around and the faintness of Coraline meant to occupy her but clearly not as shes pushing around her teddy bear in her dollies stroller. its all very adorable and serene here right now excluding the fact that dinner has yet to be started at almost 8pm, my Mattie is not yet home, and the apartment is no longer clean but tonight none of that matters. Tonight I am in my rightful place, taking in every sound and feeling, the discomfort of the wooden chair beneath my ass with only a towel between the two, the coldness of my toes tucked up under my thighs, the tickle of my hair carrasseing my back, its all very surreal and I love nights like this. but I think I am ready, fingers flicking over the keyboard, mind empty of useless thoughts, and daughter content to rock her own little thing. Now for my escapade into the depths of my imagination.
xoxox
xoxox
Jun 7, 2011
Busy day and its not even 10
It is 8:54am and yup I am awake. Say HUH!?!!?!? I know right. If you know me you know I barely drag my ass out of bed at 9 just to tell my daughter to go back to bed for 30 more minutes. and yet............I am awake to hear her knocking away on her door and instead of sending her back to bed I am prepping breakfast for her, not even the typical sippy cup of milk and a bowl of dry cereal or a bun and banana, nah super mom has bacon and scrambled eggs and all that nice stuff on the go. I have been awake since 5:30 this morning. What for you ask ?!?! Well to clean my entire apartment spotless before lunch time.
My mother was going to come in today, pick me and Phoebe up and we were going to head out and get some crap done that she needed to do. I wouldnt have minded her seeing a bit of a mess but now I find out late last night that my step dad is coming in with her too !! SHIT!!!!!!!!!!! so yes i have been up cleaning since 5:30 (it wasnt that messy I finished beefore 8 except Phoebes room and the vacuuming but those are now on the list. then to clean up breakie dishes and get dressed and VOILA!
is it nap time yet ??? I honestly hate days like this where everything is done before 10 am now the rest of my day is going to be .....blech !!
anywho
xoxox
My mother was going to come in today, pick me and Phoebe up and we were going to head out and get some crap done that she needed to do. I wouldnt have minded her seeing a bit of a mess but now I find out late last night that my step dad is coming in with her too !! SHIT!!!!!!!!!!! so yes i have been up cleaning since 5:30 (it wasnt that messy I finished beefore 8 except Phoebes room and the vacuuming but those are now on the list. then to clean up breakie dishes and get dressed and VOILA!
is it nap time yet ??? I honestly hate days like this where everything is done before 10 am now the rest of my day is going to be .....blech !!
anywho
xoxox
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